My life is mine

Everything in life is a choice — are you choosing the best or are you choosing to see more negative in every situation or experience. are you choosing something good for you or are you choosing something good for others.

Sometimes, it is so hard to choose what I have to do for my life. I always think about what people think about my decision. Will they happy for me? will they proud of me?or maybe will they be jealous of me? Do i look great in front of them? However, the more i think about them the more I am not happy.

At some points, I realized that my life is mine. I have to choice something because I want it and it will make me happy. If my decision is wrong, at least i decide it by my self not because of others. I will take the risk. I think it will be more stupid if my decision is wrong and I decide it because of others. Where is the brain!! Since when do people have any idea what i want? Since when do people have any understanding of me at all? No, my life is mine. Maybe, everything bad for everyone is good for me. WHO KNOWS? good for you, not good for me!

Anyway, there was a time when i need it to think seriously about my life. What should I did after I graduated from my university? When people was busy finding a job, I said to my self “No, I need to enjoy my youth time. Life is just once and youth time is only short. I can find money later. I dont need new mobile phone. I dont need new clothes. I dont need new shoes. I need experience that i cant get it when I am 30s or 40s. I still have some money not much but enough. I still can do a job, not a full time one. Not bring much money, but enough. I dont need something much in matery, i am satisfied with enough.” So, i planned to be a jobless for a year then continue my study for master. Become a jobless doesnt mean I am stupid, many companies call me for interview. I dont give a fuck where they know my phone, but i always reject their offer.

However, sometimes I am not strong as i thought. When I already planned to be a jobless and watch my friends worked in good places and had a good income, I thought about my decision again. Was it a right decision? I was clever enough to have a job. Why dont I take my opportunities? Being resposible with my decision was so hard. Planning to be a jobless and having fun for a year was not easy as i thought. I like a competition. Watching my friends had a job and I was a jobless made me feel like I am a looser. Am I a looser?

Then, I thought if i change my decision just because i didnt want to be a looser in front of people, I would be a real looser. I need to be responsible with my choice. If the plan is being a jobless for a year, then I should be a jobless for a year. However, the point is that it should be only a year, not more than that. So, I should better to think how to be a jobless only a year than to think what people think about me. The important thing is i need to be RESPONSIBLE with my decision.

If I plan to be a jobless and have fun for a year, then i should maximize my fun and my free time. Dont waste my time to think how stupid is my decision. And after almost a year being a jobless (well, i did some jobs, but i prefer to say i was jobless than freelancer), I am so proud of my self. I am focus with my plan. I enjoyed my time every second as a jobless. I went to many places and had fun. I got many knowledge of life. After getting informal education during my jobless periode, I will be a student again this year. So, my plan is succeed. I become a jobless only a year, not more than that and I had so much fun.

I am so proud of my self. I am succeed to choose everything based on what i want, not what people think. I am responsible of my decision. I AM SO PROUD OF MY SELF. I TRUST MY SELF.

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